Mama's Boy: It Could Happen To You

You might be laughing out loud right now, or you are nodding your head in agreement. It happens to the best of them. While this is a stereotype for a very family oriented male, who in fact loves his mother, there are a few rare instances of when this is all too true. There is a word the Italian community uses for this type of individual, the mammone.

While scouring the Internet or rather Time’s website, I stumbled upon an article that caught me a little bit off guard. The article, addressed a mother in Italy who was accused of being too overbearing. I’ll have to admit, I had a little chuckle when I read this. This is not only because I was doubting that the article was serious but also because I know what it’s like being an Italian-American daughter.

At any rate, the article pressed on and I continued to check things off of my list. The article written by Jeff Israely talks about mothers who do their sons laundry, men who aren’t self-sufficient, and a survey published in Psychology Today that 37% of men in Italy between the ages of 30 to 34 years old still lived at home with their mothers. Before reading either of these articles, I would’ve believed this statistic.

The real twist in the Time article was when I read that this Italian mother and her parents were facing abuse charges. They were being accused of coddling the boy so much his development was stunted. His caregivers, or takers in this case, reportedly prevented him from doing normal activities like running or going to church. The lawyer representing the abused boy said that his motor skills were comparable to those of a 3 year old.

Professional psychologists quoted in the article stated that this type of overprotective behavior can harm children, clearly to the extreme with the Italian boy’s case. In an age of instant media access from the Internet, radio, television, and yes even print—parents and mama’s in particular can take their anxieties too far. I know this circumstance all too well with parents who watch 48 hours and Dateline on a regular basis. I also know this being the youngest daughter of 100% Italian parents, for us it’s worse than the males in my opinion.

The article continues on dissecting the behavior in terms of Italy’s history. Socioeconomics played a huge role in the reason why the Italians (in this case specifically boys) lived with their parents so long. A once extremely poor country with a weak economy, living at home was a wise financial decision. The Catholic church, too, plays an immense role in this. A country where the center of the religion resides and a once devoutly Catholic country had very traditional familial roles for rules until the 1960s. Speaking from personal experience, being both Catholic and Italian, these still are major factors in my life.  Italians are an extremely family oriented cultured who take their faith just as seriously. 

 

While the likelihood of someone becoming a mama’s boy is increased if you are of European decent, it could very well happen to American men. This is not necessarily a bad thing. While one side of the coin says modern women won’t like you because of your dependency on your mother or the archaic views that the mama’s boy holds about wives household duties, the other is very optimistic. Mama’s boys or men, who treat their mothers with respect, are notoriously better communicators with their wives/girlfriends. 

 

Stifling children by preventing them from being independent, girls or boys, is not good developmentally or psychologically. Showing them how to be caring, upstanding citizens, who know how to survive on their own is a very good thing. Perhaps our real concern in today’s society is how much we allow the media to control how we raise our kids. If we just teach them based on what we were taught versus what the media feeds us we’ll be okay. Personally, I’ll  date a mama’s boy any day.

La storia delle donne

La storia delle donne or the "history of women" in any country is a remarkable thing. This is especially so when they rise up (to reference my previous post) and overcome their societal preconceptions. Since March is Women's History Month, I figured that I would keep the ball rolling.

Now women flying airplanes in World War II in Italy is a highly doubtful occurrence, how many actually fly planes in Italy today would be something that I would be interested in doing more research on. I came across this article by the Associated Press entitled, Female WWII aviators honored with gold medal, and was compelled to read more. First of all, I had never heard of women during that era do such a thing. This immediately made me proud of these women for having such strength and for our country for not doubting them. It made me sad, however, to read that some of these women were of course in their late eighties and early ninetys, therefore not being able to share the Congressional Gold Medal with their comrades. This story also upset me because the women were the last to get an honor, as biased as that sounds and is. The Women Airforce Service Pilots or WASPS as they are called, are something for our country to be proud of in spite of the disregard for females that the U.S. has shown in times past.

Completely un-relative to this story, but having everything to do with a country coming together in spite of it's differences is Italy's freshly formed "Purple People". As silly as their  name sounds, they are every bit as serious as the small band of female leaders that gathered together to boycott the G8 summit because of Berlusconi's presence. Il Popolo Viola as they are called have banded together against Berlusconi's government, rumored through Facebook, to put an end to a government that "is not doing its job". The purple color, they say, is only because no other political group uses that color. I think it is very smart of them, it will attract attention to their cause, if people didn't know about them already.
 

I can't think of two better occurrences, in my two favorite countries, that could've made this Women's History Month any better. As long they remain anti-violent, I hope they succeed in finding a better leader. As for the WASPs....YOU GO GIRLS!

Grazie,

Nancy

Feminist Theory, Italian Style

When I’m not in class or studying for my classes, I like to educate myself about the world around me. National news can get boring sometimes. International news is even more within our reach than ever before because of the Internet, therefore making our world a lot smaller. Recently much of the other parts of the globe have been featured on my local news stations because of all of the horrible tragedies occurring in Haiti and in Chile. Believe me they are worth every ounce of media coverage and we should offer them as much aid as we can.

Instead of all of the terrible things going on in the world, I prefer to find things that Americans can relate to—it’s the American Studies minor in me. So, once I get to my point you’ll know that this blog was just bubbling to be written since I read the actual news article. In fact it wasn’t a hard news article at all; it was a New York Times Op/Ed. It was August, so I must’ve been on campus for one reason or another and picked up my free copy because of Penn State’s newspaper readership program. At any rate, I eventually flipped to the Op/Ed section and it immediately grabbed my attention because of two things that it mentioned: Italy and Women Rising Up. The actual article is titled Italian Women Rise Up by Chiara Volpato. Chiara, I learned, is one of the major female leaders for that part of the world and also is a social psychology professor at the University of Milan-Bicocca.

In my opinion, she hits the nail right on the head. Her editorial discusses not only Italy’s Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi-- who’s known for making sarcastic remarks and comments about women that only a chauvinistic, patriarchal society could love—but also the “glass ceiling” that is ever present in Italy today. Prime Minister Berlusconi has held his position three times in Italy’s history, but his influence on the Italian people through the mass media has been present since the 1980s. He founded his first media venture after college in Milan.  It grew from there to entire networks and cable channels. Berlusconi’s television line up reflects on his personality, showcasing beautiful, Italian women who want to become “showgirls”.  When I say showcasing, this is all that they do. Very rarely do the women get to say anything as they are being judged on their looks. Berlusconi has placed a few of these showgirls into public office, including Mara Carfagna, Italy’s Equal Opportunity’s Minister.

While Carfagna is doing a lot of good, making Berlusconi look good, his mouth continually gets him into trouble.  Berlusconi is quoted in a BBC article as saying, “the left has no taste, even when it comes to women.” This is coming from a man in his seventies trying to talk smack against his rival political party. The BBC also reports that he has had to apologize publicly, as per his wife, for “flirting” with other women. This is who they have lead their country? Well, America did vote for Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky scandal and all.

Enough about him. Let’s get back to the glass ceiling that Italy has but is conceivably lower than America’s. American women have fought for their rights and have come a long way. This is not to say that Italian women don’t have the same rights, but they are immersed in an “old-school way of thinking” culture that has immeasurable double standards. The Catholic Church and the Vatican have a heavy presence in Italy, almost as much as the government. Simultaneously, there still lives the patriarchal culture where “men rule” so to speak. Women work, to cite Volpato’s article, but they also are expected to be the sole keepers of the home. Birthrate in Italy is down because of the fact that men get more leisure time than women do—all the more better for Berlusconi’s bank accounts. Italy even ranks 79 on the World Economic Forum’s Global Gender Gap Index.

So, whether or not Italy wants to come clean about it, their society is slowly secreting anti-feminism. Women like Chiara are out there who want Italian women to aspire to be more than how their Prime Minister spends his free time.  They have even rallied against these types of behaviors along with her by boycotting the G8 Summit. It is unfortunate that their voice isn’t quite as loud as American women when it comes to standing up for their rights. Many newspapers don’t let any talk of such things get published. There are a few exceptions, including la Repubblica, but it’s very few and far between.

Sure, you may be thinking this is just reminiscent of American society and the attitude of the media that sex sells. You are right, but this attitude also comes from the dark and ugly days of when America too let patriarchal views dominate their world. There is nothing wrong with males wanting to be the head of their households or good fathers even, but when it’s taken too far and women are degraded, we have a problem.

Grazie,

Nancy